My Blue Tie

I encountered a person who was upset at those who oppose gay marriage, since allowing gay people to marry in no way affects those who have a traditional marriage.  Not wanting to engage in a biased charged argument in which I would inevitably be called a bigot, I let her persist in her sense of moral superiority, and avoided expressing my view.  But, in thinking about it, it really is not the kind of arrangements that people agree to that bothers me at all, it is precisely what they insist on calling it that bothers me, because, were I married, changing the definition of marriage to include other arrangements that may be similar but are not the same as marriage would, in fact, bother me.  Since I am not married, let's consider something else that I may have, and that someone may change the definition of, and see if I have a right to be offended at the redefinition.

Suppose I have a blue tie.  Not just any blue tie, but the perfect blue tie.  It is precisely the right width and the perfect shade of blue.  When you think of a blue tie, you think of my tie.  Other people have thin navy blue ties, or wide pale blue ties, and I have to accept that when they call their ties, "blue ties," they are in the right, even if they are not the perfect blue tie that I have.  Now, suppose someone with a red tie really likes my blue tie, but he does not have a blue tie, he has a red tie.  But instead of getting a blue tie of his own, since he does not really want a blue tie, but just wants to be considered as having a blue tie, he decides to start calling his red tie a blue tie.  After all, it is similar to a blue tie.  You tie it around your neck the same way.  And, well, a lot of people have crummy blue ties that are not so nice.  And, his calling his red tie a blue tie in no way materially changes my blue tie.  My blue tie is just as perfect as it has always been.  So, why shouldn't he be able to call his red tie a blue tie?    So, now, when I tell people I have a blue tie, in order for anyone to know what I mean, I will have to add that I have a blue tie that reflects light between a certain range of wavelengths.  Perhaps, some people may come to believe that the perfect blue tie is actually a red tie.  Do I have a right to feel aggrieved by the change in definition of blue ties to include red ties, even though my blue tie has not changed?

Every person, gay or straight, has a mother and a father, and the ideal union between male and female that has procreative power is sanctified in the mystical bonds of marriage.  That is the perfect blue tie.  There are many bad relationships between men and women that still fit the bill and may be called  marriage, which is bad enough.  But, gay people know very well that no matter how much they love each other, and how similar their relationships may be to marriage, there is no procreative power in what they are doing, and so, calling the relationship a marriage will never make it one, any more than changing a definition can make a red tie into a blue tie.  Why not be happy with your red tie, and leave my blue tie out of it?  Why can't we say those with red ties will be treated the same as those with blue ties, without saying that therefore a red tie is a blue tie, and it is bigoted to say otherwise?  Why is it bigoted to believe that things can be similar without being the same?